Being in a business that is primarily about how things look I've allowed myself to get pretty hung up on appearances. It's understandable to be preoccupied with how things look when your job is creating something beautiful meant to impart a message of sympathy, celebration or love. But at this point I've been translating feelings into flowers for so long I'm not sure I know how to use my words anymore. Every month I struggle to make myself sit down and write a blog post and send out an email about what's going on. Sometimes I get an email out, I seem to almost never get to the blog post so here we go: working on using my words.
Somehow I'm still trying to get my feet under me to start in on ideas I had at the beginning of the year and now the year is almost over! I know I'm not the only creative that struggles with finishing projects. When you have so many ideas it's hard to know what to focus on. My ADD does bless me with a wealth of ideas but it certainly doesn't help with my lack of follow through. In fact I spent the entirety of "mental health awareness May' procrastinating on sharing about the challenges of diagnosis late in life and the medication shortages many of us have been struggling with. I started this blog post back in June and here I am trying to finish it in November. I know I shouldn't get bogged down in "shoulds" but when you're trying to make a business work that isn't you have to take a look at both what you're doing that's not working and at what you're not doing that maybe needs to be done.
You wouldn't think that the girl dressed in bright home made and vintage clothes driving an iconic(if rough around the edges) classic car and creating epic arrangements of seasonal, locally grown blooms that somehow you've never seen before would have hang ups about being seen but, it's true. I think all of those attention getting choices are really diversions and camouflage. Distractions to keep from really being seen as I struggle with being extremely shy and some pretty deep insecurities. Hiding out in the studio during the pandemic certainly made it even more challenging to be comfortable out in the world or to even show up online. If you know me personally, if you've been into the studio in real life or even just chatted with me on the phone this probably didn't seem like the case. It's much easier for me to get past my social anxieties in the comfort zone that is my shop space. Now that it's only open for private sessions, by appointment, special order and on the First Friday of every month I find myself feeling more and more awkward around people and self-conscious about the state of the studio. Back when it was open for retail and full of flowers I never worried about anyone noticing how rarely I get around to sweeping the floors. Who's going to look at the floor with all those flowers around? Now that I only buy flowers I have orders for there are a lot less around to aid in my camouflage by distraction efforts. What will people think when they see the chaos in here? What if it's obvious that the backroom is an even bigger mess? Not to mention the disaster that is my book keeping and financial situation....
When I get in my head about all the things that make me doubt myself I find I'm really struggling with how to talk about what I really want to do more of -slow down. Everything I do really well I do incredibly slow and I like it that way. I want to encourage others to slow down too, teach them about finding flow with flowers. The ephemeral joy of flowers is the ultimate invitation to be here now. They are here for such a short time! There are still so many gorgeous things out in yards right now! Get out there and bring a little of all that magic and beauty inside where you can really appreciate it! Think of it as pre-emptive pruning that eliminates the need for deadheading later. There are so many beautiful textures and foliages right now Artichoke leaves and rosehips are just a couple of my current favorites. So. Much. Good. Stuff. The weather has been incredible for getting outside even if the days are now excruciatingly short. The long dark nights are another great reason to bring some nature inside to brighten things up. If you're overwhelmed with where to start with what's in your garden you can book an Alchemy Academy session with me! If you're local I'll come over and walk you through everything you need to know to start making magic in your own yard. I guess it starts with actually publishing this post. Then I have to start talking about it somewhere people will actually see it....
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